Sunday, 12 October 2014

Love for a free spirit in the modern world

I find men love my free spirit, independence, creativity and sense of fun... then they become boyfriends and they start to reign me in and expect me to live within their narrow confines and it's like I'm not allowed to be my own person anymore or explore my potential and slowly they start frowning at the silliness, lightheartedness and freedom that once made them smile and inspired them and they start dictating I should live life their way and start conforming to some imaginary me they have created rather than just accept me as I am. They say thing's like "I've never met anyone like you before - you're my ideal woman" and then set about trying to change me! I was like this when they met me, so I don't feel I should change unless it comes from deep within me and inspired by my soul and my growth as a human Being.

Love for me is true acceptance. I think a soulmate is just someone who recognises themselves in others, that deeper connection and totally accepts themselves so 'the other' is a reflection of this deep acceptance.  I've experienced soulmates in friendships, but not in romantic relationships, where there appears more of a sense of ownership over others, so the connection is broken.  Marriage in the old days was a contract of business and women were considered property.  That may have worked when we as a society had the collective spiritual awareness of a potato, but things have changed. We have evolved in consciousness and the old ideas as people as property not sentient beings is falling away and thank God! Let us let it all go.

My ideal relationship is to walk alongside another freely because I want to, not out of duty or because they feel a sense of ownership over me or I them, but because I want to be with them. When the other person becomes controlling and tries to manipulate me I just rebel. I think I must have been some kind of slave in a previous life because as soon as someone tries to confine or define me I become very rebellious, which seems to make it worse as they hold tighter and tighter and I rebel more - it's like they want to keep me on a lead rather than just let me walk beside them. I'm a sentient being, not a pet! I just need a bit of space and freedom of expression. Having a free spirit, does not mean we are not loyal to those we love. Loyalty is a passionate choice not a mindless duty.

Women are told it's best to be seen, but not heard.  For over a thousand years our voices and freedoms have been suppressed and we are treated as a commodity.  At my primary school the boys were allowed to do woodwork, pottery and computers while as a girl I was given the choice of.... sewing! and that's it.  Compulsory sewing and we were not allowed to opt out (I tried). I tried to make a stand by not actually doing any sewing and glueing material together to make arty collages. Eventually I was forced to sew 'something' so I made a Polar Bear. A blood-stained Polar Bear, no less. The thing that annoyed me most was that girls weren't even allowed in the woodwork and pottery rooms, (I used to help my dad with DIY and let me tell you it was far more dangerous and if things went wrong and my dad's language would make a Sailor blush!).  Though, a couple of times at school we were allowed to stand at the back of the Library and watch the boys use the computer.  This wasn't the dark ages, this was the 70's/80's. I now own several computers, so in your face crappy, sexist Headmaster!  

At least things are changing, though society still guides the choices we make as men and women, we do have more choices and freedoms to express ourselves in the Western world, though our current restrictions are more based on social conformity.  This has a huge affect on how our brains develop as a result, which further imprints we must conform.

I chose photography and film for a career, despite teachers urging me into being a secretary, retail assistant or nurse and despite the lack of computer programming skills in school, I taught myself HTML and I coded my first website by hand.  Doing things like that in the Middle-Ages and I would have ended up being dunked in a duck pond, so for all it's faults I do love the modern age we live in as women have never had so much freedom. We can vote, we can choose what we wear and we can speak out. I think it's fabulous and I want freedom for all sentient beings.  I want us to all be able to follow our authentic truth, wherever it may lead us.  

Now expressing this desire to have some sort of equality of Being, a woman, such as I gets labelled a 'feminist' as a way of shutting us up. I don't know why wanting us ALL to be treated as a free, sentient being is so offensive or threatening to some.  I want it for ALL beings, regardless of sex, creed, colour, sexuality.  Don't you?  It's time we stop this inane 'battle of the sexes' and start just enjoying each other more.  We are no better or worse, we are just different to each other and have a right to express ourselves without judgement.  So I don't feel the need to fit into a 'normal' female paradigm, I follow my truth, my soul and it just so happens I love StarWars and Star Trek more than My Little Pony and Sex in the City.  I'd rather a 2nd hand action adventure DVD or a mix tape over flowers and perfume. Shopping is my idea of hell, I'm much rather be playing a video game or doing something creative.  

We all need to start getting in touch with who we are, connect with our truth, our real passions and stop trying to put others and ourselves in stereotypical pigeon-holes. When we find differences, celebrate and enjoy them with compassion, kindness and some understanding we generally have more in common, than what separates us.  So let other's be and BE KIND. It's not easy to live your truth openly - especially if you do it on YouTube.  Jeez, people are so hatey and negative there.  Seriously, get over yourselves and lighten up.  Don't let your insecurities dictate your attitude as you become a slave to your pain and will forever be bound to misery. When we free others, we free ourselves.

I think one of the world's greatest diseases is seriousness.  It destroys all the good stuff.  Wars and arguments all start with seriousness, either taking oneself too seriously or others or opinions.  Seriousness restricts us and lightheartedness frees us.  The pomposity and arrogance of seriousness damages our relationships with each other.  It's the sort of thing that leads to girls being made to sit silently at the back of the Library in hushed reverence to the boys at the computer the other end. So I reject seriousness.  It's dull and controlling. Haters are just expressing their own pain and pointing at their own ugliness (do they not realize this?) I want to be silly and I want to be free. So that's how I live my life. It takes the edge of hardships and creates value and meaning to existence as relationships flow more easily and life has more of those simple joys. I really love freedom.

So when I do find a fellow to walk/skip along the path of life with he's likely to be a free-spirited as me and probably just as eccentric and has a spiritual awareness that is more developed than a potato.  I will only commit if I'm free to and because I love and accept him just the way he is and he accepts and loves me too, and that is probably why I am single lol  :)

"Some say that I'm a Dreamer, but I'm not the only one."  ~ John Lennon

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